Summer Post-Mortem and "Crazy" New Beginnings

Well, let's just forget that "summer" ever happened. Those 5 precious weeks have come and gone with their hurdles and minimal pleasantry, save a lovely week with family and the delicious food eaten throughout and still now (smoked meat, lobster, french onion soup, etc...)

Ok, maybe I am being a little ingracious. Despite the restricted fun of the first few weeks amidst lots of studying (which doesn't always pay off in obvious, material, measurable ways, although one certainly does learn and re-learn a whole heck of a lot!), I did become quite engrossed in the FIFA World Cup and was extremely pleased to see my Spanish Roja win.

But one never expects or rejoices in heartache. It is more like a death all over again really, except it also leaves an abominable hole (I swear it feels very somatic -left parasternal border, 4th intercostal space... a physical hurt). As they say though, we're meant to learn from these things. And I did -I learned a whole heap about so many things (the vagueries are deliberate as a eulogy or shrine to the flitting beauty of affection and tenderness that imbued that tie). The longing remains, as does the love and memories (both wonderful and awful)... I'm basically counting on Lady Time to heal it all eventually.

So, anyways. This week is my second week of my Psychiatry rotation (my first official clerkship rotation) and it is awesome! The learning curve is pretty much vertical -I learned crazy amounts of stuff (no pun intended...) in just 6 days already (+1 call). Seen lots of schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar disorder, major depression and a few suicidal cases -emotionally tiring but very rewarding interactions and I very much enjoy the general demeanor / attitude of most of the psychiatrists and residents I have met so far. I follow 4 patients on a regular patients and basically spend more time with them than any of my superiors and it's amazing to observe and understand how they progress or deteriorate, followed by discussing potential management plans etc with the attending staff. So much fun, really... I am that much closer to becoming an almost-doctor! And the psych-social stuff is awesome, so you get to better understand the legal system (for example when you have a patient from the prison, who, in a state of acute psychosis nearly stabs someone to death...), the welfare system (a lot of psych patients are on welfare, though in some cases a third of it may go towards supporting a hefty drug habit or "self-medicating"... still they could not survive without it!), and social institutions that provide activities for people who otherwise could not work and would have nothing to occupy their days, which honestly would make anyone crazy out of boredom (so they can go to these centres and do wood-working, or plant-care, or computers or ceramics and get 'paid' for their work, a nominal $1.60 per day) and it's awesome, because a part from anti-psychotics, mood stabilizers and anti-depressants, or electro-convulsive therapy (hey, don't knock it! it's the most effective therapy for acute suicidality and mania, there's proper anaesthesia involved and all you see is a foot-twitch!), you can also prescribe these activities, like, on a prescription. It's pretty neat. The whole big picture I mean. It's not just brain drugs. It's a whole system of bio-psycho-social care and it is great (so far. from what I've seen.).

Anyways, I know. As fascinating as this part of my life is, everyone probably wants to know more about the heartache. You know, human beings are so fascinating in that way. It's like Elizabeth Gilbert wrote in Eat, Pray, Love (btw, I'm sure the book will be better than the movie, though I am so pumped to see the movie!): there are psychologists who have talked to people who have survived genocides when they were in refugee camps and all they could talk about was how that guy left me and took up with my best friend and that girl is in love with my brother, etc, etc. For all our grand achievements and terrible atrocities as a species, all we can think about is love.

Or at least I know that I certainly fall into that category. And, frankly, thank God I do. Love makes life worth living... even when it doesn't quite work out the way you thought it would (and believe me, my hurt is fresh enough, but this really is just the truth of the whole thing).