Finding Magic

I miss Nova Scotia so much. Yes, I'm actually pining. Did I tell you I even cried on the airplane on the way back home? I still listen to my pretty fiddle music and get all nostalgic. But it's comforting too and I feel like everything will be okay. I was watching a short bit of movie with my mother this evening and one of the lines really jumped out at me: "Stop looking for obstacles instead of looking for magic".

Isn't that what we do when we feel vulnerable or scared or like we don't have control? Look for obstacles right? Why: because it's easier to identify a problem and then try to fix it as opposed to just riding the Atlantic wave, lest you get crashed up against some jagged rocks hidden (and sometimes not so hidden!) amidst the soft, white sand. But the magic was never about where the current brought you, it was always about the cool, refreshing majesty of blue blue sea (I know, I just changed my metaphor... my best memories of riding waves for hours at a time are in the Mediterranean), around, behind, in front and under you, lifting you up to the pale sky, alight with golden rays, for moments at a time. It's the high. And magically, every high is not followed by blood, scrapes and bruises (however, as a future surgeon, I will gladly sew those up for you!). You don't have to land in sand or split your skin on the rocks. If you flow with the waves, when the one ebbs, the next will cradle you back up -it's the perpetual high, the ever-lasting wet kiss of that crystalline liquid that gives us life at all. And when it's time to rest, we can wash up on shore with the surf -calm, relaxed, composed, radiant with exhilaration and joy. Magic, right.

It's like that with medicine. It's like that with love. It's like that with so many, many things. And the Truth of it gives me goosebumps from head to toe. Letting go is a choice, it's wilful surrender -a gain, a blessing... not a loss, not anything to be feared. Sometimes pretending that not feeling anything is easier or better than feeling so profoundly that your soul may shatter through your broken heart. But by shattering your soul, so many more will know you, and so many more will you touch with your love. I suppose that's where God resides.

I'm just over a week into my Internal Medicine rotation, and thanks to my refreshing Nova Scotian happy-place-in-my-soul, I've actually been able to appreciate, learn and even enjoy parts of it. I have a great team, and a few lovely patients, and there is a wealth of knowledge to be imbibed! Challenging, tiring (and okay, not as cool as surgical things) but so much better than I could have ever imagined! And I finally did my first ABG (arterial blood gas) and I got it on the very first try -it was the best part of my week!

Well, back to my work. Let the magic continue!

Nova Scotian Fiddle!

I'm obsessed. But I found some youtube links of the music i've been playing over and over ever since I acquired it here, and thought you might enjoy a little taste!

Anna Ludlow:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I87h4Hqgj8A&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhY4hAxZjFs&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dotzGF_9-Sc

reel-love,
me=)