Officially a Narcissist.

Well fine, maybe not entirely. But I am definitely officially self-indulgent here, to say the least. I'm writing purely for me tonight, because today was not sweet and sugary and fuzzy, but I feel better when I write. It was one of those days where you feel like a passive actor in your day -life and the world is happening at you, and you're not really sure how much a part of it you really are... essentially a "matrix" episode. Isolated. Lonely. But not lonely in a superficial kind of way. Lonely as in existentially lonely. It happens like it just is, not like there's something you should be whining about or feeling sorry or anything. Just all detached, like it's all outside of you. And you are apart and separate from the world. And you wonder whether it changes if you weren't there because you're an observer anyway, you're not really all in it. And then you wish you were somewhere else entirely. Somewhere warm and sweet and salty from the turquoise-opal waters of a very special lake in Turkey. Or maybe those yet to be discovered nooks along the Mediterranean.

And also, McLennan sucks during the week. I know I was all bubbles and sunshine about it after such a serene, awayish kind of experience last Friday, but I take it back. Too many kids. Rampant immaturity and drama everywhere you turn... like even when they're "studying", the childish undergrad drama runs amuck. Seriously. It's McGill's Lamont. And if you knew me at all during my Harvard days, then you know how I feel about Lamont ("vom"). But this just means I need to find McGill's Widener. I'll try the Law School library on Wednesday I think. Maybe.

Oh and our house is leaking. Like the roof can only take so much ice before water just leaks through or something to that effect. Basically my sister's room is a bit of a wet mess. Yes, it's true, I'm not the one who has to deal with it. Even she doesn't have to since she doesn't live here during the year. But that anyone should have to deal with it is pretty much not such a good deal.

Anyway, I should go back to studying Insulin Action... and so I will.

p.s. my dad thinks this feeling of "detached loneliness" is a symptom of Vitamin D deficiency due to lack of sunlight exposure. thoughts?

Writer's Nostalgia

Sometimes we listen to Enya. And we study with pleasure. And we sip ginger tea with honey, thankful to God and the Universe that we decided to stay home this weekend, rest, relax, catch up on some work and do our best to stay healthy. Hopefully the week is off to a sane start.

You know, I miss writing about Rüya. Or the other characters of my novel with whom I am still deeply infatuated. Laiolir, and Fahriye and Iya and Astra, Kings (the controlling, dominant ones and the ones who disappeared so mysteriously), Queens and the tree fairy. The enchantments that protect the Manuscript of Destinies. The bewitched chocolate and raspberry desserts, the chains of diamonds that simultaneously seduce and entrap. The journey to discover the self through a magnificent transcendence into the mystical and magical. And Charles -beautiful, passionate, heart-broken, so blindly in love... the unconventional 'villain', Milton's Satan as it were -the one who creeps into your heart and steals your sympathies and loyalties before you realize it. I miss them, very much. If I could 'pause' time and just write it, that would be sublime.

Scarlett and violet clouds all come from within though -that's how magic gets made right. And then there's a twinkle of green-grey-hazel in a youthful gaze from a man so wise and eons and heavens above me. It all comes from there really. The smile that is really just an infinite current of joy. Maybe one day you'll know about it too.

2.8 K!!!! And health care rights activism.

I know. So much less poetic and prose-y than the last post, but I am so excited about it. Swimming with a buddy is definitely the best way to go -2.8 km (translation = 112 lengths of a standard non-Olympic sized pool) today after class in about an hour and ten minutes. Definitely a PB. Ah, so exciting! My abs hurt though. And I chowed down a massive plate of tabouleh, shish taouk chicken, rice, hummus and garlic sauce (and a tangerine!) in like... fast.

Anyway -it has been yet another crazy week in the life of naila -crazy, but fulfilling. More community service with Project Genesis -went to my first "Delai de Carence" Action Group meeting on Wednesday evening. The DDC is basically a Quebec bi-law since 2001 that denies health care coverage for the first 3 months to immigrants, temporary workers and residents who have been out of the province for 6 months+. Only 4 provinces are crazy enough to have such a bi-law -namely, Ontario, New Brunswick and B.C. in addition to Quebec. The standard line is to get those "abusers of the system". But seriously, it's ridiculous.

Over 60,000 people are affected by this law every year, 84% of which are immigrants and temp workers who have already been cleared for good health in order to immigrate in the first place. So the law is kind of discriminatory, making these people second-class citizens. Like "welcome to Canada". Also, the "savings" are not at all proportional to the negative effects: 0.06% of the total health budget "saved", but .1% of the population suffers. As well, you know what happens when poor people get sick and have no health insurance of any kind? They don't go to the doctor. It gets worse and worse and worse, until finally they have no choice but to show up at the hospital in a royal mess of complications that ends up costing the system tons more in money and human resources. So really, where is the "savings"? And imagine if the illness acquired is an infectious disease. Public health disaster. So really, DDC = Dumb Decadent Crap.

So today I passed around the petition that a bunch of Montreal community organizations are working on together, in my med school class, and managed to get about 88 signatures. And the main reason why this is so awesome is that as future doctors, we should be the ones protesting! Doctors have a lot of power to do a lot of good and med students might as well get started early. At least it's a first step. Did you know one of the MLAs in Ontario actually admitted that they had no idea when and how the bi-law passed in Ontario? So basically this hasn't even been a subject of rigorous debate and intelligent discussion. Go figure.

I did more outreach with PG on Thursday as well which was nice, and the first Philosopher's Cafe that my Osler Society Team put together was such a hit! Also trying to work on some social outreach with the youth and the elderly in my Ismaili community so hopefully that will go well too. Almost got a ride down to Boston weekend, but I think it's better I get all this stuff done at home this weekend. Time to go for now though -don't want to be late for prayers!

hugs and kisses and much love---