Well fine, maybe not entirely. But I am definitely officially self-indulgent here, to say the least. I'm writing purely for me tonight, because today was not sweet and sugary and fuzzy, but I feel better when I write. It was one of those days where you feel like a passive actor in your day -life and the world is happening at you, and you're not really sure how much a part of it you really are... essentially a "matrix" episode. Isolated. Lonely. But not lonely in a superficial kind of way. Lonely as in existentially lonely. It happens like it just is, not like there's something you should be whining about or feeling sorry or anything. Just all detached, like it's all outside of you. And you are apart and separate from the world. And you wonder whether it changes if you weren't there because you're an observer anyway, you're not really all in it. And then you wish you were somewhere else entirely. Somewhere warm and sweet and salty from the turquoise-opal waters of a very special lake in Turkey. Or maybe those yet to be discovered nooks along the Mediterranean.
And also, McLennan sucks during the week. I know I was all bubbles and sunshine about it after such a serene, awayish kind of experience last Friday, but I take it back. Too many kids. Rampant immaturity and drama everywhere you turn... like even when they're "studying", the childish undergrad drama runs amuck. Seriously. It's McGill's Lamont. And if you knew me at all during my Harvard days, then you know how I feel about Lamont ("vom"). But this just means I need to find McGill's Widener. I'll try the Law School library on Wednesday I think. Maybe.
Oh and our house is leaking. Like the roof can only take so much ice before water just leaks through or something to that effect. Basically my sister's room is a bit of a wet mess. Yes, it's true, I'm not the one who has to deal with it. Even she doesn't have to since she doesn't live here during the year. But that anyone should have to deal with it is pretty much not such a good deal.
Anyway, I should go back to studying Insulin Action... and so I will.
p.s. my dad thinks this feeling of "detached loneliness" is a symptom of Vitamin D deficiency due to lack of sunlight exposure. thoughts?
Monday, February 9, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Writer's Nostalgia
Sometimes we listen to Enya. And we study with pleasure. And we sip ginger tea with honey, thankful to God and the Universe that we decided to stay home this weekend, rest, relax, catch up on some work and do our best to stay healthy. Hopefully the week is off to a sane start.
You know, I miss writing about Rüya. Or the other characters of my novel with whom I am still deeply infatuated. Laiolir, and Fahriye and Iya and Astra, Kings (the controlling, dominant ones and the ones who disappeared so mysteriously), Queens and the tree fairy. The enchantments that protect the Manuscript of Destinies. The bewitched chocolate and raspberry desserts, the chains of diamonds that simultaneously seduce and entrap. The journey to discover the self through a magnificent transcendence into the mystical and magical. And Charles -beautiful, passionate, heart-broken, so blindly in love... the unconventional 'villain', Milton's Satan as it were -the one who creeps into your heart and steals your sympathies and loyalties before you realize it. I miss them, very much. If I could 'pause' time and just write it, that would be sublime.
Scarlett and violet clouds all come from within though -that's how magic gets made right. And then there's a twinkle of green-grey-hazel in a youthful gaze from a man so wise and eons and heavens above me. It all comes from there really. The smile that is really just an infinite current of joy. Maybe one day you'll know about it too.
You know, I miss writing about Rüya. Or the other characters of my novel with whom I am still deeply infatuated. Laiolir, and Fahriye and Iya and Astra, Kings (the controlling, dominant ones and the ones who disappeared so mysteriously), Queens and the tree fairy. The enchantments that protect the Manuscript of Destinies. The bewitched chocolate and raspberry desserts, the chains of diamonds that simultaneously seduce and entrap. The journey to discover the self through a magnificent transcendence into the mystical and magical. And Charles -beautiful, passionate, heart-broken, so blindly in love... the unconventional 'villain', Milton's Satan as it were -the one who creeps into your heart and steals your sympathies and loyalties before you realize it. I miss them, very much. If I could 'pause' time and just write it, that would be sublime.
Scarlett and violet clouds all come from within though -that's how magic gets made right. And then there's a twinkle of green-grey-hazel in a youthful gaze from a man so wise and eons and heavens above me. It all comes from there really. The smile that is really just an infinite current of joy. Maybe one day you'll know about it too.
Friday, February 6, 2009
2.8 K!!!! And health care rights activism.
I know. So much less poetic and prose-y than the last post, but I am so excited about it. Swimming with a buddy is definitely the best way to go -2.8 km (translation = 112 lengths of a standard non-Olympic sized pool) today after class in about an hour and ten minutes. Definitely a PB. Ah, so exciting! My abs hurt though. And I chowed down a massive plate of tabouleh, shish taouk chicken, rice, hummus and garlic sauce (and a tangerine!) in like... fast.
Anyway -it has been yet another crazy week in the life of naila -crazy, but fulfilling. More community service with Project Genesis -went to my first "Delai de Carence" Action Group meeting on Wednesday evening. The DDC is basically a Quebec bi-law since 2001 that denies health care coverage for the first 3 months to immigrants, temporary workers and residents who have been out of the province for 6 months+. Only 4 provinces are crazy enough to have such a bi-law -namely, Ontario, New Brunswick and B.C. in addition to Quebec. The standard line is to get those "abusers of the system". But seriously, it's ridiculous.
Over 60,000 people are affected by this law every year, 84% of which are immigrants and temp workers who have already been cleared for good health in order to immigrate in the first place. So the law is kind of discriminatory, making these people second-class citizens. Like "welcome to Canada". Also, the "savings" are not at all proportional to the negative effects: 0.06% of the total health budget "saved", but .1% of the population suffers. As well, you know what happens when poor people get sick and have no health insurance of any kind? They don't go to the doctor. It gets worse and worse and worse, until finally they have no choice but to show up at the hospital in a royal mess of complications that ends up costing the system tons more in money and human resources. So really, where is the "savings"? And imagine if the illness acquired is an infectious disease. Public health disaster. So really, DDC = Dumb Decadent Crap.
So today I passed around the petition that a bunch of Montreal community organizations are working on together, in my med school class, and managed to get about 88 signatures. And the main reason why this is so awesome is that as future doctors, we should be the ones protesting! Doctors have a lot of power to do a lot of good and med students might as well get started early. At least it's a first step. Did you know one of the MLAs in Ontario actually admitted that they had no idea when and how the bi-law passed in Ontario? So basically this hasn't even been a subject of rigorous debate and intelligent discussion. Go figure.
I did more outreach with PG on Thursday as well which was nice, and the first Philosopher's Cafe that my Osler Society Team put together was such a hit! Also trying to work on some social outreach with the youth and the elderly in my Ismaili community so hopefully that will go well too. Almost got a ride down to Boston weekend, but I think it's better I get all this stuff done at home this weekend. Time to go for now though -don't want to be late for prayers!
hugs and kisses and much love---
Anyway -it has been yet another crazy week in the life of naila -crazy, but fulfilling. More community service with Project Genesis -went to my first "Delai de Carence" Action Group meeting on Wednesday evening. The DDC is basically a Quebec bi-law since 2001 that denies health care coverage for the first 3 months to immigrants, temporary workers and residents who have been out of the province for 6 months+. Only 4 provinces are crazy enough to have such a bi-law -namely, Ontario, New Brunswick and B.C. in addition to Quebec. The standard line is to get those "abusers of the system". But seriously, it's ridiculous.
Over 60,000 people are affected by this law every year, 84% of which are immigrants and temp workers who have already been cleared for good health in order to immigrate in the first place. So the law is kind of discriminatory, making these people second-class citizens. Like "welcome to Canada". Also, the "savings" are not at all proportional to the negative effects: 0.06% of the total health budget "saved", but .1% of the population suffers. As well, you know what happens when poor people get sick and have no health insurance of any kind? They don't go to the doctor. It gets worse and worse and worse, until finally they have no choice but to show up at the hospital in a royal mess of complications that ends up costing the system tons more in money and human resources. So really, where is the "savings"? And imagine if the illness acquired is an infectious disease. Public health disaster. So really, DDC = Dumb Decadent Crap.
So today I passed around the petition that a bunch of Montreal community organizations are working on together, in my med school class, and managed to get about 88 signatures. And the main reason why this is so awesome is that as future doctors, we should be the ones protesting! Doctors have a lot of power to do a lot of good and med students might as well get started early. At least it's a first step. Did you know one of the MLAs in Ontario actually admitted that they had no idea when and how the bi-law passed in Ontario? So basically this hasn't even been a subject of rigorous debate and intelligent discussion. Go figure.
I did more outreach with PG on Thursday as well which was nice, and the first Philosopher's Cafe that my Osler Society Team put together was such a hit! Also trying to work on some social outreach with the youth and the elderly in my Ismaili community so hopefully that will go well too. Almost got a ride down to Boston weekend, but I think it's better I get all this stuff done at home this weekend. Time to go for now though -don't want to be late for prayers!
hugs and kisses and much love---
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Courage on the Eve of 24 Years of Life
It is sweet and comforting like hot chocolate to think of yourself as a courageous heart. And although I'm nearly 24, I think it is still quite young and innocent and beautiful. This past week has been a blessing and so I will share its story:
Ancient Greece in the Hospital
I had my second official clinical encounter this week, this time in the ER. It was night and my fellow PA colleagues and I did a bout of waiting before making it down to visit with a patient with a retropharyngeal abscess. Of course we asked and heard plenty of his sick-tale -his illness narrative -traveling from clinic to hospital to hospital, coughing up old blood, the pain, the pus, the infection, the uncertainty, and the really good doctor. But his life story was what was so absolutely fascinating. He was a retired engineer who now whiled away his days in a magical world of sculpting with metal and painting -a passionate artist. He had immigrated to Canada from Greece after the Second World War and he and his wife were married here almost immediately upon landing. He is a lover of Ancient Greek Mythology and Philosophy, his two children and many grandchildren, and the sands, waters and mountains of his birth-country. He loves telling his story -a story of pride, hard work, love, passion. He is outspoken when it comes to politics, immigration concerns (this was actually rather unnerving to hear about, frankly -but I guess seeming-discrimination perhaps is just one of his flaws, and we've all got flaws, lots of flaws... it's out of ignorance and fear of what you don't know and he lived in a completely different era in Europe -it was not malicious or ill-meaning... I don't even think he realized it, really. Here's the thing, he has a good heart. We can only do the best we can right.) and religion -he worships only the Great Philosophers of Ancient Greece it seems.
Bearers of Warmth and Service
Outreach with Project Genesis was really amazing. We froze our bums off walking down to some very poorly kept apartment buildings with awful landlords and tenants who really suffer for it. Like it's winter right, so it's normal that it's cold... outside. Not inside though. It's actually against the law in this province for there to be inadequate heating in apartment buildings (and this is the responsibility of the landlord). But these tenants -mostly immigrants from South Asia, Africa, Haiti -they deal with inadequate heating, no hot water and mouse infestations. In the dead of winter. In Montreal. And the landlord does nothing about it. And the buildings themselves are falling apart.
And if affects their health and their well-being, and their children and so much. Take for example the man who recently had heart surgery. He can't shower because the water goes hot-cold too fast, too often. So he has to fill up buckets of water in order to bathe. As if we live in some under-developed country. It's a pretty shitty deal.
So we go and give them information -phone numbers, addresses, let them know what their rights are, that they can contest rent increases and report landlord abuses. And it feels good to make a very tiny difference. It feels good that after walking the 4 floors of the building, knocking on each door, helping a bunch of them call the inspectors to report the urgency of substandard heating, that at the end of it, the inspectors finally agreed to come and try to fix the problem directly. Like if I would have died at the end of that day, I helped my fellow woman and man in my very small way. Even though the laws were made by landlords and are therefore skewed to protect landlords and not tenants -a problematic, systemic flaw bound to have been abused historically and presently.
New Cafes, Old Friends
It was wonderful to meet up with old friends from home (here) and old friend from 'fair Harvard'. And to try a new bistro that is very 'Montreal'. And to catch up about the existential wonder that was the undergrad I took for granted. The philosophizing, the interesting discussion and intellectual stimuation -essentially, the stereotype we often denied. I mean, we didn't live the stereotype everyday, but it was certainly accessible at will, and now, not so much. Professional school just doesn't have that 'let's think about life and the world and talk about everything' kind of philsophy that underpins the liberal arts education that is the real education of life, really. It was lovely. Also, I had no idea about these 'secret societies' of top-notch Harvard professors so those were fun stories.
Adversity When It Was Going So Good
So I had all this -life was really charming, it was like Turkish baklava. Sweet, rich, satisfying. I even hosted my first Osler Society lecture for the Lecture Series we organize -it was with a historian of surgery and it was interesting, and we had good turn-out. I had been swimming 2 km twice a week for the last couple of weeks. I was even enjoying a little crush. And then it happens. The Universe throws you a curve ball. It was of a med-school related nature -nothing I won't be able to catch, even if only after it hit the ground a couple times. But still, it throws you off. But I'm almost 24 now -really, a big girl. A young woman in all of her prime and wonder. So it's going to be okay. I am happy and I feel loved.
Ancient Greece in the Hospital
I had my second official clinical encounter this week, this time in the ER. It was night and my fellow PA colleagues and I did a bout of waiting before making it down to visit with a patient with a retropharyngeal abscess. Of course we asked and heard plenty of his sick-tale -his illness narrative -traveling from clinic to hospital to hospital, coughing up old blood, the pain, the pus, the infection, the uncertainty, and the really good doctor. But his life story was what was so absolutely fascinating. He was a retired engineer who now whiled away his days in a magical world of sculpting with metal and painting -a passionate artist. He had immigrated to Canada from Greece after the Second World War and he and his wife were married here almost immediately upon landing. He is a lover of Ancient Greek Mythology and Philosophy, his two children and many grandchildren, and the sands, waters and mountains of his birth-country. He loves telling his story -a story of pride, hard work, love, passion. He is outspoken when it comes to politics, immigration concerns (this was actually rather unnerving to hear about, frankly -but I guess seeming-discrimination perhaps is just one of his flaws, and we've all got flaws, lots of flaws... it's out of ignorance and fear of what you don't know and he lived in a completely different era in Europe -it was not malicious or ill-meaning... I don't even think he realized it, really. Here's the thing, he has a good heart. We can only do the best we can right.) and religion -he worships only the Great Philosophers of Ancient Greece it seems.
Bearers of Warmth and Service
Outreach with Project Genesis was really amazing. We froze our bums off walking down to some very poorly kept apartment buildings with awful landlords and tenants who really suffer for it. Like it's winter right, so it's normal that it's cold... outside. Not inside though. It's actually against the law in this province for there to be inadequate heating in apartment buildings (and this is the responsibility of the landlord). But these tenants -mostly immigrants from South Asia, Africa, Haiti -they deal with inadequate heating, no hot water and mouse infestations. In the dead of winter. In Montreal. And the landlord does nothing about it. And the buildings themselves are falling apart.
And if affects their health and their well-being, and their children and so much. Take for example the man who recently had heart surgery. He can't shower because the water goes hot-cold too fast, too often. So he has to fill up buckets of water in order to bathe. As if we live in some under-developed country. It's a pretty shitty deal.
So we go and give them information -phone numbers, addresses, let them know what their rights are, that they can contest rent increases and report landlord abuses. And it feels good to make a very tiny difference. It feels good that after walking the 4 floors of the building, knocking on each door, helping a bunch of them call the inspectors to report the urgency of substandard heating, that at the end of it, the inspectors finally agreed to come and try to fix the problem directly. Like if I would have died at the end of that day, I helped my fellow woman and man in my very small way. Even though the laws were made by landlords and are therefore skewed to protect landlords and not tenants -a problematic, systemic flaw bound to have been abused historically and presently.
New Cafes, Old Friends
It was wonderful to meet up with old friends from home (here) and old friend from 'fair Harvard'. And to try a new bistro that is very 'Montreal'. And to catch up about the existential wonder that was the undergrad I took for granted. The philosophizing, the interesting discussion and intellectual stimuation -essentially, the stereotype we often denied. I mean, we didn't live the stereotype everyday, but it was certainly accessible at will, and now, not so much. Professional school just doesn't have that 'let's think about life and the world and talk about everything' kind of philsophy that underpins the liberal arts education that is the real education of life, really. It was lovely. Also, I had no idea about these 'secret societies' of top-notch Harvard professors so those were fun stories.
Adversity When It Was Going So Good
So I had all this -life was really charming, it was like Turkish baklava. Sweet, rich, satisfying. I even hosted my first Osler Society lecture for the Lecture Series we organize -it was with a historian of surgery and it was interesting, and we had good turn-out. I had been swimming 2 km twice a week for the last couple of weeks. I was even enjoying a little crush. And then it happens. The Universe throws you a curve ball. It was of a med-school related nature -nothing I won't be able to catch, even if only after it hit the ground a couple times. But still, it throws you off. But I'm almost 24 now -really, a big girl. A young woman in all of her prime and wonder. So it's going to be okay. I am happy and I feel loved.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Med World "The Reckoning": Of Frustration, Guts and Premies.
Oh how ironic. Shortly after experiencing that high of love and joy, life decided to dish up a nice quart of hate. It has been a long time since I've actually felt that much passionate outrage, but really, suffice to say that there are some really horrible people in my med school class. Like you wonder how they made it through the selection sieve. Gossping, snickering, giggling, swearing... in front of patients, about their peers, etc. Seriously disgusting folk. I would not wish that kind of doctor on my worst enemy (well, okay, I'm only human, so maybe I would wish it on my worst enemy, but right now I don't even have a nemesis... except maybe these guys themselves... and I guess I still wouldn't wish it on them -imagine being sick and then dealing with docs with attitude and a mean streak -how awful!).
Otherwise, I am studying for my GI midterm which is in two days (this is a study break). I've done embryology, anatomy, biochem and half of histo... so just physiology and the other half of histo left. But that's just the first pass, and I always try to do two passes before an exam. So CRUNCH indeed!
A couple days ago I actually got to watch a colonoscopy and a gastroscopy (the rude crew was present and actually got told off by the attending -how embarassing for all of us there -but enough about them) -it was so cool! The poor guy having the colonoscopy had quite a few polyps in his large intestine, but apparently they were relatively small and so less likely to be malignant. The gastrointerologists removed most of them by biopsy, but one was large enough to require cauterization which was like lassoing the white lump of tissue with a wire and then running an electic current through it, essentially burning it off.
'Guess I was pretty lucky to see that -it's unfortunate that medically 'cool' procedures mean that the patients present more pathology. I really feel a whole ethical/moral thing about all of it, because you can't help feeling a rush of fascination and wonder. Like how dare I feel this in the wake of another human being's anxiety or pain (this patient was not in pain though, they were consciously sedated, and we actually can't really feel sharp pain in the colon the way you might closer to your skin). Although I suppose part of that rush has to do with also seeing how 'fixable' some of these things can be... at least to a certain extent. So far, after the heart, I think the GI tract is the next coolest organ.
I may have forgotten to mention that in early January, I actually did some shadowing in Neonatology at the Royal Vic. Premies (hospital-talk for 'premature babies') are really something else. Like really so helpless and so vulnerable, and you can't help feeling that over-brimming love towards them. But it's scary as hell too. I mean imagine, if you screw up, and that literal thing that looks like a doll, scrunches up it's face for the last time... the parents that have to bury their baby, never watching it grow, explore, learn and fall in love with the world. And the thing is, the premies already have names. First names. The docs and the nurses use the last names when they do rounds and all of that, which is really smart I think in terms of managing potential trauma. But when you see a new mother walk in and put her hands inside the phototherapy incubator and caress the tiny little pink fingers, cooing "Eva, sweetheart"... yeah, just imagine. Maybe that's why you never see the neonatologists smiling. I don't know, something about all that was disconcerting.
Okay, back to the books -this writing break was longer than I would have liked! Here's the soundtrack of my life/studying these days, Brandy's "Right Here (Departed)". I like to call it the "One Sweet Day" of the 2000's:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdqwbJxMRWU
Yes, I am obsessed. But at least it's obsess-worthy.
Otherwise, I am studying for my GI midterm which is in two days (this is a study break). I've done embryology, anatomy, biochem and half of histo... so just physiology and the other half of histo left. But that's just the first pass, and I always try to do two passes before an exam. So CRUNCH indeed!
A couple days ago I actually got to watch a colonoscopy and a gastroscopy (the rude crew was present and actually got told off by the attending -how embarassing for all of us there -but enough about them) -it was so cool! The poor guy having the colonoscopy had quite a few polyps in his large intestine, but apparently they were relatively small and so less likely to be malignant. The gastrointerologists removed most of them by biopsy, but one was large enough to require cauterization which was like lassoing the white lump of tissue with a wire and then running an electic current through it, essentially burning it off.
'Guess I was pretty lucky to see that -it's unfortunate that medically 'cool' procedures mean that the patients present more pathology. I really feel a whole ethical/moral thing about all of it, because you can't help feeling a rush of fascination and wonder. Like how dare I feel this in the wake of another human being's anxiety or pain (this patient was not in pain though, they were consciously sedated, and we actually can't really feel sharp pain in the colon the way you might closer to your skin). Although I suppose part of that rush has to do with also seeing how 'fixable' some of these things can be... at least to a certain extent. So far, after the heart, I think the GI tract is the next coolest organ.
I may have forgotten to mention that in early January, I actually did some shadowing in Neonatology at the Royal Vic. Premies (hospital-talk for 'premature babies') are really something else. Like really so helpless and so vulnerable, and you can't help feeling that over-brimming love towards them. But it's scary as hell too. I mean imagine, if you screw up, and that literal thing that looks like a doll, scrunches up it's face for the last time... the parents that have to bury their baby, never watching it grow, explore, learn and fall in love with the world. And the thing is, the premies already have names. First names. The docs and the nurses use the last names when they do rounds and all of that, which is really smart I think in terms of managing potential trauma. But when you see a new mother walk in and put her hands inside the phototherapy incubator and caress the tiny little pink fingers, cooing "Eva, sweetheart"... yeah, just imagine. Maybe that's why you never see the neonatologists smiling. I don't know, something about all that was disconcerting.
Okay, back to the books -this writing break was longer than I would have liked! Here's the soundtrack of my life/studying these days, Brandy's "Right Here (Departed)". I like to call it the "One Sweet Day" of the 2000's:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?
Yes, I am obsessed. But at least it's obsess-worthy.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Over-Brimming Love. And Other Delicious Tales.
I'm talking about the surest way into your friends' deepest, most cherished part of their hearts (through their aortic valve if you will ;) -hosting a lovely laid-back dinner party. And none of that pot-luck business. I mean, the pot-luck thing is cool and can certainly be done much more frequently, but one really ought to do it properly at least once a year (or more, if one is not a med student or any other kind of student / professional who studies / works more than a 40 hour week).
I know. Where have I been right. This update is so overdue. Anyway, here I am. The sex unit is long gone, as are the glorious winter holidays, and I am now in the midst of our GI / Endocrinology unit. It's all fine. I believe since today and my last post I have felt numerous urges to write, but once it passes by, the moment's gone and I can't even remember what those moments were, except that the early days of January -those Monday-of-the-year blues -really had me generally disenchanted. But things are looking up. They better anyway right -I'm almost 24 and at the peak of my prime...
This weekend I hosted my very first dinner party for 9 med-school friends. It went really well. Under the supervision and guidance of my mother I cooked up the following:
1. Hors D'Oeuvres: my specialty Mexican salad (chopped de-seeded tomatoes, green peppers and red onion, kidney beans, tex mex cheese, zesty Italian salad dressing and corn chips -you gotta add these in last otherwise they get soggy and that's no fun!), and olive-sundried tomato tapenade shrimp vol-au-vents. that's right. yummy.
2. Plats Principals: East-African Indian-style chicken biryani, saffron basmati rice, and spinach curry.
3. Desserts: Mango moose topped with strawberries, fresh mango, blueberries, kiwi, with little chocolate waffers and pomegranate on the side, and little swiss chocolates from France.
4. Breuvages: Homemade non-alcoholic punch (orange juice, grapefruit juice, lemonade, gingerale, marachino cheeries and mint flakes), and real chai (like in the big pot -so not hard by the way -for tea for 10 all you have to do is put 4 cups of milk and 6 cups of water in a pot, add saffron, whole cardamom, a couple of cinnamon sticks and a tsp or so of crushed cardamom, bring it all to a boil on low heat, then add in about 4 tea bags and once that's boiling / the right colour, it's all ready to serve!).
It was a huge success. Also there is probably no high on earth (that I have yet experienced... there probably will be a better high once, uh, ahem, that special someone comes along... ;) like the high of cooking for and feeding the people you love. Like 3 hours after everyone had left I was still totally wired (I had been up early, cooked all morning and part of the afternoon, then spent the rest of the day 'setting up' and I had cleaned the whole house top to bottom the night before, so maybe this was an exhausted second-wind -this is a possibility too I suppose, but I felt such overwhelming, over-brimming love afterwards, that I feel this is the secret non-altruistic side of generosity =).
Anyway, back to real life and real studying now for my midterm next Monday -and this week's lookin' pretty hectic with various sorts of commitments. Also, I have a little internal drama going on, but I refuse to post this on my blog. And by internal, I literally mean 'in my head' so don't get too excited. The goal is to keep it there, let the fire burn out and then move right along with normal, focused, undistracted life. I'm not denying or suppressing it -we know that always backfires. But you know, trying to stay cool and calm. I am whole and happy and really, one ought to be satisfied with the over-brimming love of friendship for now methinks.
I know. Where have I been right. This update is so overdue. Anyway, here I am. The sex unit is long gone, as are the glorious winter holidays, and I am now in the midst of our GI / Endocrinology unit. It's all fine. I believe since today and my last post I have felt numerous urges to write, but once it passes by, the moment's gone and I can't even remember what those moments were, except that the early days of January -those Monday-of-the-year blues -really had me generally disenchanted. But things are looking up. They better anyway right -I'm almost 24 and at the peak of my prime...
This weekend I hosted my very first dinner party for 9 med-school friends. It went really well. Under the supervision and guidance of my mother I cooked up the following:
1. Hors D'Oeuvres: my specialty Mexican salad (chopped de-seeded tomatoes, green peppers and red onion, kidney beans, tex mex cheese, zesty Italian salad dressing and corn chips -you gotta add these in last otherwise they get soggy and that's no fun!), and olive-sundried tomato tapenade shrimp vol-au-vents. that's right. yummy.
2. Plats Principals: East-African Indian-style chicken biryani, saffron basmati rice, and spinach curry.
3. Desserts: Mango moose topped with strawberries, fresh mango, blueberries, kiwi, with little chocolate waffers and pomegranate on the side, and little swiss chocolates from France.
4. Breuvages: Homemade non-alcoholic punch (orange juice, grapefruit juice, lemonade, gingerale, marachino cheeries and mint flakes), and real chai (like in the big pot -so not hard by the way -for tea for 10 all you have to do is put 4 cups of milk and 6 cups of water in a pot, add saffron, whole cardamom, a couple of cinnamon sticks and a tsp or so of crushed cardamom, bring it all to a boil on low heat, then add in about 4 tea bags and once that's boiling / the right colour, it's all ready to serve!).
It was a huge success. Also there is probably no high on earth (that I have yet experienced... there probably will be a better high once, uh, ahem, that special someone comes along... ;) like the high of cooking for and feeding the people you love. Like 3 hours after everyone had left I was still totally wired (I had been up early, cooked all morning and part of the afternoon, then spent the rest of the day 'setting up' and I had cleaned the whole house top to bottom the night before, so maybe this was an exhausted second-wind -this is a possibility too I suppose, but I felt such overwhelming, over-brimming love afterwards, that I feel this is the secret non-altruistic side of generosity =).
Anyway, back to real life and real studying now for my midterm next Monday -and this week's lookin' pretty hectic with various sorts of commitments. Also, I have a little internal drama going on, but I refuse to post this on my blog. And by internal, I literally mean 'in my head' so don't get too excited. The goal is to keep it there, let the fire burn out and then move right along with normal, focused, undistracted life. I'm not denying or suppressing it -we know that always backfires. But you know, trying to stay cool and calm. I am whole and happy and really, one ought to be satisfied with the over-brimming love of friendship for now methinks.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Nostalgia, Fatigue, Stream of Consciousness.
It has grown cold and windy. Sometimes there's ice, sometimes there's snow, but more often, rain of late. Makes me miss Cambridge like crazy. Also I spent an hour on YouTube yesterday watching clips of Harvard a capella (mostly the Veritones, not gonna lie). These two are my faves (unfortunately stellar Kuumba hits were not to be found... at least not by me!):
Veritones: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHPsoV06QIY&feature=related
Din & Tonics: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgY8Y1owNt8&feature=related
The sun rises when I'm already on the bus on the way to school and feels like it sets shortly after lunch (it probably sets around 4:00 in real life). I have been craving sushi a lot lately. And chocolate, poutine and romance. I guess the last one is probably normal around this 'holiday' time of the year combined with the fact that our current unit is "The Life Cycle" -yes, it is the sex unit. Shout out to P. Ellison for teaching some mad solid reproductive endocrinology in evolutionary biology (bio anthro) a couple years ago -it is serving me well here.
But actually, I guess I am tired at last about talking about med school. Life outside of med school feels like, I don't know, coconuts growing on pine trees in the dead of winter, in Quebec. Rare. And wonderful. I'm sure I'll want to talk about it again at some point in the not-so-far-away future, but not now. I am tired now -my absolute refractory period for studying after taking an exam seems to have lengthened. I want to sleep a lot, I don't like waking up, but I love eating. I recently saw the new Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman (sexiest man alive indeed!) movie "Australia" -highly enjoyable. I am a "co-overseer" (read: co-pres) for the McGill Osler Society, "dedicated to raising awareness of the medical humanities", specifically responsible for finances (thank you WorldMUN for stamping me permanently with a "she is a legit money guarder" sign in all subsequent extra-curricular involvement ;), and helping organize the weekly lecture series.
I am going swimming later this evening and look forward to reuniting with a much missed "killer 8". This is Take 2. Take 1 was unsuccessful in setting up any kind of routine when I subsequently fell quite ill. But Take 2's a winner -I can feel it.
I need a haircut. I miss my sister very much -can't wait till she comes home. I want to read for pleasure. And I would like to spend a day watching movies with a common "theme" -like all Meg Ryan, or made in 1993, or nominated-but-did-not-win an Oscar, or starts with the letter "G", or has the word "after" in the title. I also would like to cook a very elaborate meal. Like a seven-course dinner or something for some people I love, and then play 'Taboo' or 'Pictionary' and have someone else make the same "When Harry Met Sally" reference that I would be thinking about and yell out "Baby- Fishmouth!" and then we would toss our hair and eat some shrimp and olives, and laugh so intensely it would be mute laughter.
Well that's a nice thought. But for now, back to catching up on that lecture I skipped yesterday morning in the name of sleep and sanity.
Veritones: http://www.youtube.com/watch?
Din & Tonics: http://www.youtube.com/watch?
The sun rises when I'm already on the bus on the way to school and feels like it sets shortly after lunch (it probably sets around 4:00 in real life). I have been craving sushi a lot lately. And chocolate, poutine and romance. I guess the last one is probably normal around this 'holiday' time of the year combined with the fact that our current unit is "The Life Cycle" -yes, it is the sex unit. Shout out to P. Ellison for teaching some mad solid reproductive endocrinology in evolutionary biology (bio anthro) a couple years ago -it is serving me well here.
But actually, I guess I am tired at last about talking about med school. Life outside of med school feels like, I don't know, coconuts growing on pine trees in the dead of winter, in Quebec. Rare. And wonderful. I'm sure I'll want to talk about it again at some point in the not-so-far-away future, but not now. I am tired now -my absolute refractory period for studying after taking an exam seems to have lengthened. I want to sleep a lot, I don't like waking up, but I love eating. I recently saw the new Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman (sexiest man alive indeed!) movie "Australia" -highly enjoyable. I am a "co-overseer" (read: co-pres) for the McGill Osler Society, "dedicated to raising awareness of the medical humanities", specifically responsible for finances (thank you WorldMUN for stamping me permanently with a "she is a legit money guarder" sign in all subsequent extra-curricular involvement ;), and helping organize the weekly lecture series.
I am going swimming later this evening and look forward to reuniting with a much missed "killer 8". This is Take 2. Take 1 was unsuccessful in setting up any kind of routine when I subsequently fell quite ill. But Take 2's a winner -I can feel it.
I need a haircut. I miss my sister very much -can't wait till she comes home. I want to read for pleasure. And I would like to spend a day watching movies with a common "theme" -like all Meg Ryan, or made in 1993, or nominated-but-did-not-win an Oscar, or starts with the letter "G", or has the word "after" in the title. I also would like to cook a very elaborate meal. Like a seven-course dinner or something for some people I love, and then play 'Taboo' or 'Pictionary' and have someone else make the same "When Harry Met Sally" reference that I would be thinking about and yell out "Baby- Fishmouth!" and then we would toss our hair and eat some shrimp and olives, and laugh so intensely it would be mute laughter.
Well that's a nice thought. But for now, back to catching up on that lecture I skipped yesterday morning in the name of sleep and sanity.
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