In the eye of the tornado

There is so much -so much to do, so much on which to catch up... feels like I'm in a wormhole getting swept to some destination and I'm just being carried to wherever it is. The control-freak in me is not a fan. But well, sometimes that side needs to just shut up and take one for the team. The team refers to the rest of me. And the team has a lot of things with which it is dealing, so hopefully a little faith will carry me through unharmed. The last couple of days have been rather zone-y for me... I've had no sense of time or space or imminence, even as I pull late nights to successfully meet my deadlines. I'm just kind of in an infinite swirl. And there is beauty and love and kindness and connection, and communion with my real self. I feel antsy and anxious one moment, and in a dynamic serenity the next; I have little appetite and little sleep... I'm so restless. Is that an existential restlessness, like knowing something big is going to happen to you or to the world, but having to wait for it even though part of you is impatiently shouting "the big thing is going to happen"... except you're not sure what that "big thing" is. Have you ever had that before?

I would like to just curl up with some hot cocoa on a couch, freeze time, and watch old Audrey Hepburn movies... just let it soothe and quiet away all the restlessness. But part of the restlessness is magical -the energetic waves, the sudden goosebumps from head to toe, the inner stillness and the inner storm. Where am I? What am I? What is all this? It's asking, it's wondering, sometimes pleading, sometimes rejoicing that the questions come so loud and clear and fierce. It's very Dagny Taggart. It's a passion that roars, but is struggling to understand itself. What is this feeling that I'm feeling?